This is the first in a series, WomanKind, on reclaiming the feminine
In this instant when we all need deep listening, peace, connection and compassion, the world is at war. The enemy can’t be seen or heard, has no shape, except a crown, a halo of light, a “corona”. The enemy, we have been led to believe by our leaders and the media, is each other, human beings, our potential for contagion.
Instead of being united – whole in our heart, head, gut and spirit, in our masculine and feminine – we are at war. At war with ourselves and others. We close down and defend territory. States divided, borders locked down, sides taken, men and women ready to do battle.
In readiness for war, there is limited outlet for anger, rage, loss, grief and frustration, just the building of walls between others. In the face of lack, the masculine directs all energy into survival against an invisible enemy and has little energy left over for self or others. The feminine is at risk just but being here. Not feeling safe, not feeling protected, having to do all the heavy emotional lifting – and more – alone.
But there is no enemy, except in our mind and the stories we tell ourself As Vimla Thaker, an Indian social activist and spiritual teacher said, “If we are not related to ourselves in wholeness, is it any surprise that we cannot perceive the wholeness of the world?
I watch bombs go off on the frontlines and the masculine get squeezed and compressed in all directions. I feel their absence, their retreat, or worse. Sparks of friction from being dragged along the surface of life like a foot caught in the stirrup of a bolting horse.
After dusting myself off and licking my wounds, I realise in horror I am part of the war. I am the walking wounded in damage control and also the one creating friction. When I feel unsafe, unseen or not understood, I put up my own defenses creating further separation. And the war continues.
When asked by my mentor and Grief Walker to look at what wholeness – the union of masculine and feminine – look like, I shudder. I dive deeper beneath the surface tension of dread to see how distorted and conditioned my view of the feminine is. From my early wounding, I’ve internalised feminine to mean mistrust, betrayal, heartache, struggle and ill health. When I look at the masculine, I see control, judgement and absence. Growing up, I had no role models for the embodiment of healthy masculine and feminine.
Measuring my self worth by, and internalising distorted masculine yardsticks – restless doing, productivity and relentless achievement – for most of my life, has left me feeling burnout, fragile and exhausted. It’s not a new revelation. In a patriarchy, our culture is not comfortable with the feminine way of doing things. We are continually being indoctrinated out of our nature.
But when I feel into it, I feel my essence as loving, receptive, intuitive, creative with deep resilience and strength from lifetimes of wrestling dark demons. I am at my best nourishing and nurturing myself and others, wanting to surrender to non-doing and trusting my connection with source.
When I see the masculine exhausted, overwhelmed, criticised and blocked to receive, I’m called again by my mentor, “what is love teaching in this Holy Instant?” It is to transmute the others pain – not take it on as my own – but to send it back as love and compassion to myself and others. To reclaim my role in the feminine, which has as much meaning and purpose as the masculine.
My first step in apprenticing myself to the divine feminine is my first step to return to wholeness. Turning towards the halo of light – the corona – for the lessons it is offering me and all humanity, is an invitation to drop my armour, let go of my grievances, soften my walls and turn to meet myself and others in a state of grace. And in the turning, to express my feelings with vulnerability and without judgement ….“so that I may converge on a love that is so much bigger than the tension in my heart.”
A mantra to me
I was born into the world as love,
whole and free.
Whenever I doubt my capacity,
all I must do is surrender
to not knowing how and why I got here
and where I am going.Love, wholeness and freedom are my birthright.
References
Thakar, V, Each of Us, a Minature Wholeness, Awakin.org Waking up to Wisdom in Stillness and Community
Nana, L C Encounters with the Muse, Dumbo Feather magazine 9 April 2020
Image credit Katrien De Blauwer,
Reflections from conversations with mentor friends and spiritual guides.
A snapshot of big ways women lose the war on pandemic
Domestic Abuse
8612 breaches of Domestic Violence protection orders in Queensland in March – May (source: Safe Haven Community). Violence against women has increased by more than 25% in many places around the world – UN
Employment and Economic disparity
Number of women employed in Australia fell by 5.3% compared with 3.9% for men. Women lost 11.5% of their work hours compared with 7.5% for men. Female dominated industries, disproportionately affected by pandemic – retail, tourism, hospitality, education, health care, entertainment and social services. Richard Deniss, Chief Economist, The Australia Institute.
Education
10 million high school age girls around the world may no longer attend school after the pandemic The Mala Fund, Sierra Leone. UN predicts an additional 13 million child marriages in India, Africa and Latin America during the next decade, The Saturday Paper June 6-12, 2020
