This is the second in a series, WomanKind, on reclaiming the feminine.
In to me see*
Intimacy is not a tap, it’s a well
of bottomless desire to drown in.
A vulnerable, devastating place,
echoes of my unmet needs.
Dark risky places of raw rejection.Intimacy feels chancy, it can go either way
down a long corridor that
ends in a room of mirrors,
that laugh back at me, back at me.
It’s all back to me.How can he feel what I feel,
think what I think,
be moved by what moves me?
Give the man a break!
Don’t make the other wrong for just being in the same room,
as a list of my desires…deep connection.
deep presence.
deep intimacy.Why can’t I just be light
playful because the mirrors make me laugh?
I’m way too serious for this game,
because it is life and death.In to me see
in to me hear
and tell me what you find.
Don’t make me wrong for asking
for something as basic as air to breathe.Just bear witness.
sit in the space with me,
trust whatever arises,
create a safe holding place of no mind, no judgement,
no words just an open vessel to pour through,
and out to the other side to freedom.But first I must die a thousand deaths.
Die of loneliness
Die of uncertainty.
Die of a broken heart.
Ye tang che totally give up hope.
that there’s somewhere better to be
that there’s someone better to be.**So when I turn
to face another,
we meet in our imperfections.
There are no winners.
of things said and not said
distorted memories of the mind’s own making,
just an open heart waiting to beat in unison
with another’s.In this truth I find the…
deep intimacy,
deep connection,
deep, deep loving,that I am yearning,
and I am whole again.
References
*Phrase from my mentor
**Ye tang che is a Tibetan phrase meaning totally exhausted. Three lines adapted from the book, Chödrön, P 1997 When Things Fall Apart. Heart Advice for Difficult Times, Thorsons, London